“Just ask me how I am.” Voicing experiences of mental health difficulties and parenting; the impact of communication and kindness

Objective: What we set out to do. This UK-based project focused on families with parental mental health difficulties. We sought to understand lived experience and co-produce recommendations for improved responses from adult mental health and children’s services. Method: How we did it. We involved six mothers and three young adult children aged 18–25. Three workshops, with parents (n = 6) and young adult children, (n = 3) focused on having or being a parent with mental health difficulties and receiving support. Three experts by experience became co-authors. Findings: What we found. Themes of Communication, Judgement and Kindness, and Parenting were identified from the workshops and reflected a wish for service improvements through interpersonal skills, including communication and kindness. Feeling judged negatively impacts families’ honesty and engagement. Young people actively shorten visits frpm professionals they do not trust. Mental health difficulties often occur in combination with multiple family health issues. Discussion: What we think about what we found. Service parameters compartmentalise individuals as either patient, parent, carer or child, rather than engaging with whole family systems. This paper shows (a) how this compartmentalisation causes more stress and (b) how asking about experience might encourage, or discourage, trust. The findings may be relevant to other patient groups. Conclusion: Our final thoughts. Person-centred communication, kindness and respect for the parent–child relationships, without judgement, are needed in improving services for these families.